The Rendezvous !

Sunday - 1:30 p.m.

The room felt like a furnace with the sunrays entering from the window making the summer heat feeling sultry & oppressive on a Sunday afternoon. Like usual, woke up late (I guess that’s what most Sunday’s are meant for) and while flipping through the ‘Mind Over Matter’ columns in the TOI, my cell phone’s ‘Just Jazzy’ ring tone started ringing aloud. A glimpse at the display screen showed up an uncanny 12/13-digit number, which was tough for me to recognize. Eventually left with no choice I answered the call and this is how “The Call” went:
(Some sections of the conversation have narrations & Hindi dialogues because certain statements can’t have the same flavor (read: humor) when expressed in Hindi only)

Lady: Hellooooo! (Excited)

Me: Hello? (Curious)

Lady: Girishhhhhhh! Kaise ho?

Me: Ummm…I’m fine, thanks……Sorry…… lekin maine aap ko pehchaana nahi?

Lady: Pehchaan kaunnnnnn??? (For a moment I thought one of the winners of the Great Indian Laughter Show had called up)

Me: I’m sorry but guesses have more or less landed me in trouble for calling out the wrong names (for the wrong reasons too sometimes!)

Lady: Beta (*son) it’s me…your mami (*mum’s brother’s wife)…from Abu Dhabi. You forgot me so soon?

Me: (Areh baap re!) Errrr…ohhhh…. Kaise ho mami? It’s been quite sometime since we spoke. Hope everything is fine at your end?

(So now that I’ve identified who the caller is I shall change the caller’s ID to ‘Aunt’)

Aunt: Everything is fine here beta, you tell me how are things at your end in Bangalore? When do you plan to come to Abu Dhabi?

Me: Everything is fine here Mami, work keeps me busy throughout the week & I really can’t say when I can come down next. Kaam se chutti milna is very difficult!

Aunt: No wonder you haven’t stayed in touch with us….mere Guddu ko toh hamare liye time hi nahi hai?

*Now Guddu used to be my nick when I was 3 years of age but my aunt never seemed to give up this habit of addressing me even now (sigh). Old habits die hard….did someone say? Getting miffed by the whole ‘Guddu’ affair i decided to snub it off the very instant and change the matter.

Me: So when are you planning to come down to India…errrr…..Bangalore? (*Geez – now what?)

Aunt: Agar tum Shaadi kar rahe ho toh phir hum aayenge? (How Sindhi!)

Me: Shaadi !! (*GULP) aur itni jaldi?….ha ha…your kidding me mami ! Abhi toh mein bachha hoon…khelne kudne ke din hain mere!

Little did I know that my comments we’re going to backfire and by now I realised how stimulating the call was…I even skipped my chai…read on to know how I dug my own pit! Dang!

Aunt: yeah yeah…I know you must be loitering around clubs & pubs with all your sweethearts in skimpily clad clothes! (Do I need to give any explanations for this?) It’s high time beta you get serious about settling down, now that your 24 & have a job! (Is that all these days?) Waise…have you ever given this a thought?

Me: (Fed up of being nagged) Not really mami, I think it’s a little too early for me now…yawwwnnn….(hope your not yawning with this piece…it’s contagious)

Aunt: Everything seems to be early for today’s generation. Waise…just to let you know…I have a very close friend whose daughter I think would be ideal for you. (Yeah right! Does she go to rave parties too??!!)

* So in order not to disregard her concern for me, I decided to gratify her by asking a couple of questions so that she reckons she got me thinking about it atleast.

Me: So whose this girl and what does she do?

Aunt: (Elated) Well her name is Priyanka….Priyanka Gangwani and she recently graduated in Arts. She knows how to cook (this & that and blah blah…while in the meantime I was checking what movies we’re running in PVR). Also beta, she lately started working in a school as a geography teacher.

Me: (Still not involved) so aunty, where is she from?

Aunt: (Jubilant) She’s from Bareilly! (no offence meant :))

Me: (Taken aback) Kya? Yeh kahan hai? (Now the only thing going on my mind was the track ‘Jhumka gira re, Bareilly ke bazaar mein…’)

Aunt: (Convincing) Oh noooo…don’t you know where Bareilly is? Your geography is very poor…tch tch !(and Priyanka is a geography teacher…what a conjunction!) Bareilly is in U.P. and it’s a beautiful town. ‘Priyanka Chopra’ bhi Bareilly se hai….woh jo Miss World bani thi….pata hai?? Bluffmaster movie mein bhi hai….yaad aaya??

Me: (Fussy) Lekin woh Priyanka ‘Chopra’ toh nahi hai naa??

*I felt my aunt was the Bluffmaster in this whole gimmick. But think about it…what if the girl was Priyanka Chopra? Yeah, yeah I know u guys don’t have high hopes…read on…

Aunt: Priyanka Chopra kaise hogi? Sapne dekhna bandh karo aur meri baat suno….(*Sapne..yeah right!??)

Me: (Interrupting) Pehle aap mujhe yeh bataiye…..ke aap meri shaadi ke peeche kyon padi hain? I am in no hurry so I want you to tell me frankly why all this? (*I’m pretty sure she was running some home-marriage-bureau)

Aunt: (Low) Actually there hasn’t been a wedding in the family for almost 10 years now and since you’re the first in line I thought i should be considerate enough to help you with the right partner. (*For a moment I was touched because a lot of NRI’s do miss out on a lot of family functions and they usually look forward to such events. But the actual reason came right after this.)
And it’s been so long since I bought new jewellery, wedding clothes, ate pani-puri and danced to the best bollywood numbers (read: Jhatkas, matkas, thumkas).Now I really wish you decide to tie the knot soon so that I get to fulfil all what I mentioned…sighhhh! (*I’m pretty sure she was imagining all of this on the phone which was followed by a moment of silence)

Suddenly or rather fortunately, it just struck me to remind my Sindhi-aunt of the phone bill she was running while she was discussing her vague plans for my so called wedding with Ms Priyanka-geography teacher-Gangwani.

Me: (Charged up) Aunty, I think you’ve been on this international call for quiet sometime, you must be running a huge bill already? ---

Thinking that my Sindhi-aunt would realise the fortune she spent on an international call trying her conviction skills, which resulted in little or rather no hope, she would eventually decide to hang up or for all you know, give up and let me continue the rest of the day which lie ahead. I was quiet, smirking on the phone when she responded back confidently with a rebuttal, which evoked mixed reactions in my mind and I was left flabbergasted! Read on to find out what the reply was:

Aunt: (Con-fi-dent) I’m your aunt my dear child, I possibly know every step that you take. Smart move Guddu, however, I’m using SKYPE and I don’t run into bills and it’s absolutely free of cost. All I pay is for internet charges. You might want to keep yourself up to date with technology. And just to let you know, I’m also going to have a word with your mom today in the evening and share Priyanka’s snaps with her. Have a good day son, take care and eat well.

Me: (Dumbstruck & trying to utter) errr……ummmm…alright, take care, good bye!

*That’s not the end of the Rendezvous!

I’m fortunate to have a very understanding mum, who stood by me as far as my decisions were concerned. I spoke with her a couple of days ago and she bought this is up. Apparently, she told me that my aunt did pay a visit home to meet her and share Priyanka’s snaps with her over evening tea. This is what my mum had to say:

Mum: “Girish, I’ve explained to your aunt about your priorities and why it was too early for you to get married. I pretty much agree with you. Oh by the way, I did get a chance to take a look at some of Priyanka’s pictures and I think she looks very very pretty……especially in pink”

DANG !!!

Signing off,

Girish.